Wednesday, 3 December 2008
Have you ever felt like dying after you had lost someone?
Have you ever felt like dying after you had lost someone? Have you ever wondered if you will ever feel better? Have you ever wished you could trade places because it is far more painful to have to deal with grief than death itself. Unless you have gone through the pits of darkness and sorrow in those moments where the world had just blacked-out on you when that loved one dies, you will not know what I mean.
You will have no words to describe all that is going on inside your head. Every single experience that you quote when someone asks how you are may only make up a tiny fraction of everything else that is screaming from inside of you.
All the things which at one time seemed important doesn’t matter anymore. You will feel like dying because the days ahead seemed like a long road that is simply too unfamiliar, intimidating and not something you believe you can manage alone for the rest of your own journey. If only a flight ticket is all it takes to find him in any corner of this world, there would have been at least something which you could do!
Everything in your head seemed to have frozen. Like a complete standstill in the middle of a massive traffic jam. You can't think or even make an apparently simple decision. But you have to believe that if you could do it then, you could do it now, you just have to think baby steps.
Options aren't many here. But over time, every simple task which you undertake will take you further away from the first one. You just have to pick up from whichever pieces you can get hold of and brave it through one by one.
Ignore opinions of people around you who may think you are stuck in your grief and believe you have grieved long enough. They may even feel frustrated because you are making so little progress and have not started a new life by now. Not even another widow may feel the same intensity as each life story that one shares with the spouse is unique. Forgive them for they know not what they are saying.
Take your time. Listen to the birds. Stare deep into the greens of nature and return the smiles to those blooms that greet you. Plunge into the rivers of peace from God above. When nothing else makes sense, think nothing more of it. Like a child, learn to lean on the One who holds your breath and knows the number of your days.
Each day will bring you closer to the promise that everything will get better because you survived.